Yesterday I tried to buy a 2009 diary. It seemed like a good thing to do, what with Christmas being just around the corner (hoteliers - please take note!). But it fell into that category of things that is "Just Harder Than It Should Be". Tragically, this category is just bigger than it should be too. You can’t browse in a shop this country, it’s imperative that someone has to help you. Unfortunately the people trying to help you often know less about the product they are trying to explain to you, than you would, if only you’d been left alone long enough to turn it over and read what’s on the back. So I’m faced with a table of 2009 diaries. They’re all A4 or larger. And leather, or plastic to look like leather. And they have one day to a page, broken up into hourly slots. Now it might surprise you, but my life isn’t anywhere near as busy as all that. I've seen the speed at which most Indians do things, trust me, their lives aren't either. What I want is A5 size or smaller, one week to a page or one week spread over two pages. My 2008 diary, given to me last Christmas by Miss Julie, features the "Violent Veg", a comic placing vegetables in amusing scenarios with witty captions. Now I am being realistic, I’m not expecting to find anything anywhere near as perfect as this down MG Road. I did however, find one A5 diary that claimed to be a Humorous Scientific Diary. One of the small cartoons had this caption: “Why can’t I hear anything on my MP3 player?” “Because you’ve plugged it into the wrong socket” . Have you stopped laughing yet? I know I have…
In the next mall, the bookshop had a sign in the window advertising 2009 diaries and planners. It also had another “helpful” sales assistant. I told him I wanted a small diary, one week to a page. He showed me an A4 diary, one day to a page. I told him I wanted a smaller one, one week to a page, so he showed me a thinner A4 diary, one day to a page. I told him I wanted a smaller one, one week to a page. I even pointed to the page, and told him I wanted the whole week to fit on the page. I'm thinking to myself, are these not small, simple words I'm using? Are small, simple words being formed in my head, but big, complicated ones coming out of my mouth, and I'm completely unaware of it? Bugger! He then showed me a beautiful book, about 7 inches square, half an inch thick, with an orange and pink patchwork cover. He asked if that was what I wanted. Yes, I told him, if it’s a diary. He removed the cellophane. It was completely blank. I told him I didn’t want to write my own dates in the diary, I wanted one with the dates printed on them (Hello! Have I mentioned, one week to a page!). So he showed me an A5 diary with two days to a page. It’s thicker than I wanted, because it has many more pages in it than I need. But when I opened it up, it did at least show Monday to Thursday. I turned the page. Rather than show Friday, Saturday, Sunday and a space for notes so the next week would start over on the next page, it went Friday to Monday. The page after that was Tuesday to Friday, and so on. Never in a million years, or longer, was I going to be able to keep up with where the weekends were. This diary was not for me either. So I came home with nothing.
3 comments:
ok, see, i apologize for lamenting the lack of elfish participation in finishing my xmas cards. CLEARLY you need them waaaaaaaaaay more than i do! i shall send them along when they finally arrive. carrying a small seven-days-inna-week, week-to-a-page diary, obviously.
...i don't think i can help with the MP3 thing tho...especially if you're sure it wasn't plugged into the wrong socket?!! (HAHAHA! ooooooh STOP IT! yer killin' meeeeeeee!!!) :)
Too bad you didn't start looking for diaries in November, because if you'd known, you could have had me pick up one and give it to Rod when he was in London. Of course, nothing I'd have found could possibly have equalled the intense humour of that MP3 joke, but you can't have everything...
On another note, Lorayne claims she is going to email you (ha) if she can make her email work [joke: why didn't Lorayne's email work? Because it was plugged into the wrong socket!! Ooh, ouch, ah, stop]
I love reading about your adventures of living in a country with a very different culture. It's a good thing you have a sense of humor, even though you obviously don't appreciate a wonderful joke like the one about the unplugged MP3. It's soooo funny!
Anyway, I think you should have bought the diary that had no days written into it. You could have written in all the dates and days in the time you spent and will spend trying to find one that is exactly what you want. Good luck in your search.
Have a Happy Christmas and keep on blogging.
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